Parenting, Perseverance, and Porn

The following is a guest blog post from our friends at Generations of Virtue. 

If there is one virtue parents need when they decide to help their children pursue a lifestyle of purity, it is perseverance.

Recently a parent confided that despite her best efforts to keep her child away from pornography (teaching about the harmful effects, installing filtering software, being careful with media choices, etc.), she discovered her child had in fact searched for it. Thankfully, this parent had monitoring software installed on her child’s device, so she was able to tell quickly after the incident happened, what had actually happened. (For a good monitoring software, please check out our top pick: Covenant Eyes)

This parent was wise in her reaction. She didn’t respond in anger or shock, but waited a little while until she could calmly talk to her child about it. As she recounted the story, she was visibly upset. And rightfully so. It’s so traumatizing to know your child has searched out porn. It is shocking and very sad. It can make you feel like you have failed. Especially if you were taking steps to prevent this occurrence.

The temptation is to throw in the towel and say “well, I guess it didn’t work”. Please don’t do this, mom and dad. This would essentially be communicating to your son or daughter that he or she is not worth fighting for. It would also reinforce the myth that pornography addiction is not something you can overcome. Your kids need you to fight for them. They need you to roll with the punches and get back up when failure comes. They need you to remind them that there is nothing Christ has not forgiven and there is nothing that He did not overcome. And this ability to overcome He gives to us, too. Your kids need you to have relentless hope for them. They need you to pray for them and believe the best for them even when they can’t believe it themselves.

Perseverance is an essential element of relentless hope. When you hope for the very best for your kids, you start thinking that despite all the circumstances, despite what I see, despite all the evidence stacked up against me and my children, I choose to believe that we can pursue God’s holiness. We can seek to be like Him. We can overcome everything that is causing us to stumble. We can do this because of the blood of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit.

There is a promise in scripture I encourage you to pray over your situation if you find yourself struggling to persevere. Galatians 6:9 says “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

I pray the Lord blesses you and keeps you and helps you to persevere as you raise your children. I am convinced you will reap a very great harvest if you don’t give up.

– Megan Briggs

Megan is a guest blogger from an organization called Generations of Virtue. It is the goal of Generations of Virtue to transform culture, one family at a time, by teaching about sexual integrity and holiness. Megan's position as Product Manager keeps her busy researching, reading resources, managing inventory and speaking to young people.

Jackie's Journey: Scarred for Life

In the early days among the Kuna Indians in the rain forest of Panama, we found ourselves sitting in the weekly meetings of the “Congreso”.  It was here the Kuna leaders decided the village life and activities.  Occasionally, the Colombian woodcutters would join the group and then disappear down the Tuira River back into the jungle.

One afternoon we heard an outboard motor coming up the winding river toward our village.  I could hear the Kunas running to the shoreline and in a few minutes they were screaming for help.  The woodcutter had taken the motor covering off to replace a pin and had not covered the motor again.  He had ducked to miss a low hanging branch, forgetting the blade was still open!  The sharp edge of the blade had sliced into his face and the gash was long and deep, the cheekbone exposed. 

As he cleared the 12’ river embankment toward our house, I could see he was leaning on the men assisting him and there was blood everywhere!  Within minutes the entire village was in our front room, whispering excitedly, each seeking the sordid details.

There was no exaggeration here!  His cheekbone was protruding through the skin and the skin had slipped back toward his ear, leaving a huge gap.  He had taken the only available cloth in the dugout, which was loose cotton, and packed it tightly in the wound to stop the bleeding.

He was now seated on the bench directly in front of me.  He sat silently, calm and trusting.   Looking up, his eyes inaudibly pleaded for help and my heart stopped for a second while I contemplated my next move.  We headed for the rushing clear waters of the river to thoroughly cleanse the wound and remove the cotton. 

My adrenals were now on steroids as I mutely cried out to God for leading and direction!  It had to be sutured from the inside out or it would not hold together…I had sutured fingers, arms, legs (usually machete accidents), but never a face!  Once the gash was cleared of debris, it looked even more intimidating than before!  After a close examination and gathering up the necessary tools to begin this procedure, I laid everything on a cloth…and froze!

In that moment God spoke quietly to my heart, ““I have chosen you, Jackie…so do not fear, for I am with you; be not dismayed.” (Isaiah 41: 10)

I picked up the tweezers and began to remove the last of the stained pieces of cotton before scrubbing the wound and suturing the interior.  Just pulling the two skin flaps together was challenging, but the truth of the matter was…the scar was going to be massive and it was on a very handsome face!

It seemed like forever before I finally dressed the wound and gave him an antibiotic shot.  He never flinched or spoke a single word through the entire procedure!  My husband was sharing with him the entire time.  We prayed for his healing and he stood and left. 

He was not one of the regular woodcutters that lived outside our village, so I thought I would never see him again.

Months later we heard an outboard motor coming up the river and to my astonishment, God brought that young man through our front door!  We were thrilled that he had healed with no infection and the scar that was left was beautiful! 

He was grinning from ear to ear, and he laughed at my little faith!

I am often reminded of the day God “chose me” and told me not to fear, that He was with me and would do what He had called me to do.  Since I am a person whose battleground often involves fear, God’s words to me are profoundly meaningful!

What would you say is your battleground? 

Where are you struggling today?

 Have you identified a pattern in your life that pokes its head up regularly? Maybe it’s anger or bitterness.

Can you hear God’s voice?

when He speaks to you with

promise, rebuke, or instruction regarding your battleground?

John 9:31

Cancel Cancel. And Replace

70% of the words you speak each day are to yourself . . . all inside your own head.

Of those 65,000 thoughts you have each day only 5,000 are new.

What are we telling ourselves?

The majority of us have a variety of negative things we say over and over to ourselves.  Much of it is subconscious, but so much is retold to ourselves in our mind.  We have a constant tape recorder replaying things people told us when we were young or things the Evil One throws out to deceive us.

What is a negative thought?  Whatever is not wholesome, or is proud, or just does not line up with God’s word or His plan.  These untruths bring us into a place of negativity.

Here are some of mine:

You are fat.

You are not good at that.

She doesn’t like you.

You are not a good mother.

I can’t. . . .

I should have . . . .

I know I am not the only one who struggles with negative thinking.  I am told I am a very positive person, but if you only knew the thoughts I struggle with in my head.  I can completely understand why God put this verse in the Bible.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

How do we take our thoughts captive?

The thing is, the thought comes in and there is not much we can do about it.  Or so I used to think.  Because my mind created such impulses and desires, I knew I needed to grab on to this verse.  I wanted to handcuff those negative thoughts and throw them in jail!

Once I attended a class on Mental Detoxing and I learned the key to this verse.  It lies in the words “cancel-cancel”.  I started to listen to my inner voice and hear what I had been saying to myself.  Once I identified a negative thought, I would say “cancel-cancel” to myself.  Then I replace the negative thought with a positive one, something more inline with God’s word.  For example, “My body is sick and I am not getting any better”.  I replace it with “God is healing my body and I will get better”.

Much research has gone into the idea that our bodies - our very cells - listen to us.  They take command from us.

Other thoughts I may have like “I am fat” can be replaced with God’s word, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”. 

You can always substitute a lie, with truth . . . with God’s word.  “Cancel-Cancel” and replace.

So I am encouraging you mom, and myself.  Can we replace those thoughts in our mind with truth, with positive thoughts?

My prayer for us today is Philippians 4:7:

“Father God, I pray for all us moms.  Help us to take our thoughts captive.  May we have the peace of you, Father, which transcends all understanding, that will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus”.

Jackie's Journey: "The World's Changed...Try to Keep Up!"

ll of us have the need to be relevant in every generation.  Something in us wants to make a difference. The effectiveness of all advertising is based on this premise.  We hear the younger saying,  “The world’s changed…try to keep up!”

As a young missionary in my 20’s, my children needed me, my husband needed me, the tribal people needed us, our ministry was consuming and fulfilling, etc.  I looked to those older than I was and saw the need to glean from their experiences.  I had an unpretentious sense of relevancy!

For 5 years in our 30’s we found our relevance in pastoring, evangelizing, teaching, mentoring small groups and “trouble-shooting” in our home church.

We weren’t in that “older” group yet!

Returning to the field, still in our 30’s, we were busy dorm parents to 15 young people at the Mission School.  We had the “big dorm”, and we were blessed with students from five families.  Our need to “turn the hearts of the children to their fathers…” (Malachi 4:6) and the ministry in the local Chame community kept us relevant... we were still viable!

In our late 40’s our girls were in their teens and would soon start college.  Christina attended Biola and would bring her friends from school and church to meet us.

We were becoming the “older” group that had more experience”!

When asked to mentor a group of young college girls, I excitedly responded believing God would give relevance through His Word.  Eventually a group of their prospective husbands took form, which my husband taught!  We were busy church-planting Spanish-speaking churches and over the next 15 years we saw God raise up seven young churches in Southern California, Mexico and Panama.                

God’s was still using us!

Still relevant to our culture and generation in our 50’s, even honored for our faithfulness to our God and His calling on our lives, we actively taught in English and Spanish. 

Now we were really in that “older” group and yet…

God continued to open up opportunities to serve Him.  We had 7 grandchildren and they were magic!  Still church-planting, called to speak, teaching multiple mentoring groups weekly, trouble-shooting with young couples, and writing The Princess Parable Series were all welcomed responsibilities! 

In our 60’s we watched our tiny grandchildren grow like my garden weeds (really fast!!) and they now stand taller than I do!

Keeping relevant is an absolute pre-requisite to maintaining the open hearts of your grandchildren!  Finding that conversational relevance in a “generation time warp” is a prayer-filled occupation of mine!

Now… here is the rub.  The world’s younger generation looks at “age” and determines its value.  Consequently, they, then, turn their attention to the more appealing relevance of younger mentors, pastors, and teachers, rather than the older generation.   

We are, after all, each expendable to the more like-minded, trendier, faster-moving and thinking generation!

Can’t you hear it?  “The world’s changed…try to keep up”!

God never changes…cultures do, ideologies do, and philosophies do…

Relevance is a basic need to stay connected.

It is tied directly to an understanding of God and His inerrant Word!

Our present day cultural insurgence has been saturated in a declining morality of divorce, abortion, pornography, social-acceptance determined by social tolerance, adoption of the “acceptable sins” (you know…demanding personal rights, entitlement - I deserve this!, wrong attitudes, anger, deplorable speech, actions etc.).

The young are bent on convincing their offspring to:

(1)  “Stand up for yourself; be more aggressive” – disregarding God’s command to follow His example of serving others… first.

(2)   “Look for your own path in life” –disregarding the instruction in the Word to look for the Will of God…first

(3)   “Claim your rights; you are entitled” – disregarding God’s command to yield all your rights to Him… first.  No anger for your personal benefit.

(4)  “Be first” at everything  - disregarding God’s command to make others successful…first!  

(5)   “Live in the Now” - disregarding kingdom teaching. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God….and all these things will be added unto you”. Matt. 6:33

In a day when our culture is being eroded from within, our godly history is being re-written and the Word of God is being ripped of its inerrant integrity, we need relevance for our day if we are to present truth that promotes change.  

What can we offer that people need?

We ask ourselves that question whether overtly or subliminally every time we come in contact with another person.  We are relevant when we discern the need of the individual we are speaking to and risk whatever it takes to meet that need for the other person’s success.

It is not age that makes us relevant…it is His life in us as we aggressively stand up with Godly conviction and step into the space He puts us in…wherever, with whomever that may be!

The purpose of relevance is to keep the truth of God’s Word alive in us for the benefit of others! 

Will you make yourself relevant today in the life of someone who is in need?

Recharge Your Batteries

I have often thought moms do little for themselves.

We are busy taking care of children, being a wife and focused on keeping a home.  Yes, we are doing Kingdom work right in our homes.  And it is a 24/7 job!

But, honestly, are you tired?

Are you burned out?

Have you snapped at your children lately?  Or your husband?

A few weeks ago, in Yosemite, I stole the time to take one of the art classes in the National Park – four hours long!  My mom and friends watched the kids as I sat under the trees painting Half Dome.

I learned to see the world from a contemporary modern artist.  While this is not my favorite medium, I learned something new.  I was able to reflect on the glory of God amidst the towering granite rocks and small wildflowers at my feet.  God’s majesty is everywhere in creation and painting it brings me closer to Him.

I did not feel guilty.  Perhaps years ago I would have, but now after cancer, I see the value in time away.  Time to breathe.  Time to reflect.  Not only do I strive to do this daily in a quiet time, but now I seek out opportunities that fill my soul regularly. 

I take time to recharge so when I am present with my family and my husband, I am truly present.

This is no easy task.  At home and in my life, there are thousands of things to do and lists to accomplish.  I have to carve out the time and make it a priority.  No one else will do this, but me!

So can I encourage you, moms of princesses and knights?

Can you take time for yourself this week?  And when you do, put into action 1 Cor. 10:31.  Find your place and “bring glory to God” wherever you are.

A couple of ideas:

1. Do something active.  Take an exercise class, ride your bike, or take a walk.
2. Do something soothing. Take a bubble bath. Go to the spa, or get a massage.  Go to coffee with a friend.
3. Do something outdoors.  Go to nature.  Wherever you live, God is there in His creation.  The mountains, the beach, the desert.  Find a quiet spot and journal, hike or paint.
4. Do something quiet.  Read a book alone with a candle lit and your favorite drink.  Watch the sunrise.
5. Do something creative.  Take the hobby out of the closet.  Start it up again: quilting, scrapbooking, pottery class, whatever makes you happy.

Our kids and our husbands love it when mom is happy and joyful. 

How will you find time for yourself this week?

Jackie's Journey: Invisible...Who?

“Is not wisdom found among the aged?

Does not long life bring understanding?”

Job 12: 12

The “Mom Song” is the voice of the ever diligent, often-unheard invisible Mother.

However, there is another category of individuals that are even more imperceptible…grandmothers and great-grandmothers!

Regardless of our involvement in the lives of our children and grandchildren, they reach an age of development (if we have done our job) where their need for us lessens.  They now have their own friends and activities that occupy the time that was once ours!  Life is a whirlwind of academics, team sports, community outreach, horses, theater and musical practices and performances, tennis coaches and tournaments, swim practices and meets, church youth group activities, bible studies, revivals, camps, etc.…! 

Finally, one day… they get driver’s licenses!

Keeping pace with all of this is a tremendous challenge…for all of us!  I am a grandmother of seven; my mother is a great-grandmother of 25 great-grandchildren! She lives on her own, caring for herself, alert with a memory that would put an elephant to shame!  She gives new meaning to the verse in Job 12.  There are very few topics that have applicability to our everyday life, that if asked, she cannot wisely put in perspective, yet she speaks of her need to keep relevant.

I have thought about the statement made by Mom and Job’s proclamation and wondered why in our 21st century culture the advanced in age feel they are being set to one side, listened to less and invisible in a large group of the younger generation.  

These vital soldiers have earned their place among those who should be the most honored, respected and valued in our culture. Titus 2: 3-5 admonishes “the older” women to be reverent in the way they live and to train the younger.”  There is so much to be gleaned from these seasoned veterans that have gone before us, paving the way.  We will quickly step into the print they have left behind!

Our local churches defer to the younger generation. They fill the jobs in women’s ministry and teach the even younger.  The young no longer turn to the older generation.  They have been replaced with quick and empty answers found in the latest technology, social media and their peers.

BUT…“Is not wisdom found among THE AGED”?

While in Panama, our good friends, the Jenkins, a couple with perfect pitch and harmony put this definition below to music.  I have been humming it for years and sing it out loud when my natural inclination to think “I’m all that!” overrides what Scripture says should be the godly point of view!

“Reverence is acknowledging that God is using in my life, people and events to produce the character of Christ in me”.  It is wisely looking at life’s situations (all of them!) from God’s point of view, not my own,  

THEN… the warning:

So be wise my son (daughter), heed my instruction (instantly placing myself in harmony with Him and His will and directives), leave that road that leads to destruction, hallow my name (don’t walk in shame…Proverbs 23: 17,18)

The Word is rich with wise instruction concerning our attitude toward the “old”.  

Psalm 92: 14 gives us A PROMISE when speaking of the advanced in age that bear the fruit of the righteous:

“They will STILL bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming the Lord upright; he is my Rock and there is no wickedness in him”!

• Deut. 28:50 mentions “a fierce-looking nation without RESPECT for the old”…(Respect should be expected…this nation was noted for its disrespect!)
• The Third Commandment is devoted to the HONOR our parents are to receive from us!  (There is no designated age termination for this command!)  
• Joseph brought his father and his entire family to live with him in Egypt during the famine. (We are to be concerned for them and look for opportunities to meet their need)
• The Old Testament saints carried the dead bones (!) of their ancestors with them when God moved them to another country! (Talk about reverence!)
• Somehow the patriarchs of old wisely led nations for generations before dying a “good old age”.  “1 Chronicles 29:28”

Age does not define our relevance, but it often reveals our place of usefulness in our present culture.  All of us have the need to be connected.  You may be saying, “Well my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother (etc.) is not deserving of my honor and respect”.  We do not choose our place of birth but we do choose how we allow God to use our circumstances to produce His life in us! 

Psalm 39: 5 tells us what God thinks about age, spoken by David:

“You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is nothing before you. Each man’s life is but a breath”!

I have been told that it is not how old you are, but how you are old.  I agree with Bernard Baruch who said, “To me – old age is fifteen years older than I am!”  My Dad used to say “Growing old isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative”.

Life is inordinately SHORT!  There is always enough time “to heed His instruction”.  There are no exception clauses to obedience…just the command!

So be wise, my daughter, heed His instruction, leave that road that leads to destruction…hallow His Name, don’t walk in shame…”

How do you wisely show honor for those who have gone before you?

Do your little princesses and princes see and hear your reverence for “the aged”?

Will you commit yourself and “heed His instruction” to acknowledge, honor

 and encourage your mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers this week? 

Don’t hinder God’s work!

These “invisible” personalities are God-given with the divine purpose

of producing the character of Christ in us!

The Difficult Child

Most of us have one.

The child who makes us more Godly.  The one who plays by his own rules, who makes us want to pull our hair out at times.  The one who keeps us up at night and who makes us leave the grocery store while in a tantrum.  Sally Clarkson calls him “the tail that wags the dog”.  Others call him “the difficult child”.

They are often the ones most like us.  The ones we see great potential in.  They become inventors, CEOs, actors, world changers and life shapers.  But first they are children in our homes.  Given to us, by God, to nurture, raise and build into. 

One year, we were headed to the Mom Heart conference at a nice hotel.  I was going to be speaking and my kids were going to be the welcoming committee in charge of passing out chocolate.  Dressed up with baskets in hand, my girls listened while I gave instructions in the car for the duties ahead.  One daughter began complaining about having to serve.  She didn’t want to help.  As I parked the car, I saw her get out of the car and begin to have a two-year tantrum on the hotel asphalt ground.

My first instinct with this kind of conduct is to reprimand in a very stern voice, “Get up off the ground! This is not the kind of behavior I expect!  You are embarrassing Mama. Get up this instant!”  The flailing continued.

Flashing before my eyes, I saw the sign hanging on my refrigerator. “Today, the moment when I am most repelled by a child's behavior, that is my sign to draw the very closest to that child.” ~ Ann Voskamp

Sitting down on the filthy ground, I began to cradle my very large baby and sing to her.  Speaking words of truth, love and grace, I stroked her hair and smiled at her.  The scene in the parking lot did draw attention, and my older children remained strapped into their seats, slightly embarrassed.  A near 10 minutes passed.  Suddenly, she reached for her basket of chocolates, jumped up and skipped into the hotel.

All she wanted was time from me.

While this is not always the case, my complex child continues to keep me on my toes.  She is my puzzle to figure out.  Every day can bring new challenges.

I often ask God, “Why did You think I was ready for the task of raising this kind of child?”

His answer is simple.  He knows what is best for me.  He knows what it will take to make me more like His son.  He knows I need to learn patience, strength and wisdom.  He knows I need to be more loving and understanding.  All of these lessons are wrapped up in one little nine-year old ball of energy, and she is all mine!

If I can remember to draw near to her in these moments, I will win her heart.  If I remember to stop my busy schedule and focus on her in the times she needs me, she responds to the King of the universe.  If I get down on my knees at these times on her level, she calms her heart and can enter into all God has planned for her.  “Draw the very closest to that child”.

How do you reach your difficult child?

Jackie's Journey: The Inspiration of Gratefulness!

“Give thanks in all circumstances (inclusive; no exceptions!), for this is God’s will for you…” 1 Thess. 5:19

Recently a missionary friend posted a picture from our New Tribes Missionary school.  It was taken in what we called “the little dorm” in our early years on the field.  In the picture of about 15 children were my two daughters.  Christina was about 4 and in the foreground was a less-than-2-year-old Kim.  The picture was not significant in itself but the fact that I could not recall when my girls could have ever been in that picture was significant!  I literally, burst into tears!

Christina, my eldest daughter, reminded me that they had spent 6 weeks in “the little dorm” after I was flown out of our village with a ruptured appendix.  There was unrest in Panama City (guns in the streets, riots, etc.) and the Military Police were closing the airport!  We were the last fight allowed to land or take off.  I was hastily loaded onto a gurney directly out of the plane and I watched our Cessna take off into the stormy skies with my two little ones inside! 

I was unaware of most of what was transpiring around me, but I knew my circumstance was bad.  I was rushed to the Military Hospital and was rapidly being moved down the corridor, when Ralph heard someone call his name.  He turned to see a Surgeon that we had recently met through our Pucuro partners.  She had been on duty for 72 hours when she caught a glimpse of Ralph in the hall and instantly turned to help us, never leaving our side until she had run tests, completed my emergency laparotomy and safely escorted us to the ICU hours later.  God had gone before us and sent her to us in His perfect timing…

This is the posted picture!  Are these not the cutest missionary children…ever!!

I am emotionally astounded that I was so desperately ill that I did not know where my two little girls were in those first days! My recovery was slow and I ran a low-grade fever for a year after this event.  Wanting to reunite our family as quickly as possible and return to the interior, which was our home, we found ourselves in a quandary because we could not get a release from the doctors to go back! 

As I’m writing this, my past and present merge and the surge of gratefulness is overwhelming!

How many people can you think of offhand who have benefited your life in the past?  Whose name immediately comes to mind?

Gratefulness is recognizing the benefits, which God and others have provided.

From the pilot risking his life to save mine to the missionary families who sacrificially opened their hearts and homes to us to see me recover, my heart overflows with inexpressible thanksgiving for their generosity toward our family during this conflicting time in our lives. 

Gratitude is the memory of the heart!  It is said to be the parent of all the other virtues.  My gratitude for those members of the field that picked up the slack and totally covered for me is overpowering.  

Norman and Barbara Slaymaker were the “little dorm” parents at that time and took the loving responsibility of my babies for six weeks after our pilot, Scotty, and his wife, Mary, filled the gap in those first few days in Panama City.  After leaving the hospital, John and Ruth Jenkins, our busy field leaders, “adopted us” for another six weeks (!) until the doctors would release us to return to our post!  What a tremendous weight we must have been…a family of 4 for months!!! 

My memories are scattered and few.  I isolated myself into a survival mode.  I really thought I was going to die.  I had no time for tears and cannot remember even wanting to cry during those weeks, although I am sure I must have and those whose care I was under would readily attest that I did!  My heart cannot express the genuine gratitude that is flooding my eyes and consciousness as I write this!  I am mentally rehearsing the personal cost of the missionary families that encouraged me during those days and blanketed me with prayer and hands of intervention!

Why this flood of overwhelming gratefulness?  Why now?  What is it about life that at unexpected moments God opens our awareness to the magnitude of His Sovereignty, Majesty, Grace and Mercy on our behalf?  

I am sitting here with a keen mindfulness of:

• My Unworthiness…and His Holiness!   
• My Pretense of thinking I have any kind of control in this life (other than to choose to walk with Him)…and His complete and encompassing Rule and Protection!
• My Powerlessness…and His Omnipotent Presence, faithfully accomplishing His purpose with my blindness to His silent footsteps all around me!
• My Desperate Need to express my gratefulness and indebtedness to God and others! 

Do you make it a habit to thank God and others for the many things in life that others take for granted?

I would like to express my gratitude to you for joining me each Monday morning and for your encouraging words.  I am so blessed! 

Will you take time today to reflect glory back to Him… the Author of every blessing?  Let’s take today’s opportunity to acknowledge those who have and are benefiting our lives!

Giving Value to Others

A few weeks ago, we had a Princess Parables tea at a local bookstore.  We got the opportunity to speak into the lives of sweet girls about the importance of manners and etiquette.  In a culture that does not value or teach manners on a regular basis, our children will stand out above the crowds, if they are taught just a few lessons.  They also have the opportunity to live out Christ’s command to love one another. 

What do we mean by Manners and Etiquette?

Proper etiquette and manners are defined as, “helping those around us to feel more valued and more comfortable.” Plainly speaking, just an extension of Romans 12:10.  I think it is more important to teach our kids this definition of etiquette instead of the old-fashion idea being something that is expected of them by society.  Help them to see people as valuable with a desire to make others feel special.

For our three to eight year old princesses and knights, here are a few suggestions:

Greetings and Introductions:  Learning to introduce yourself is an art.  Children need to be taught a couple of important tips to address an adult for the first time.  First, they need to keep eye contact with the person.  Second, they need to shake hands (with their right hand firmly).  Next, say your name.  “Hi, Mr. Smith. My name is Matthew”.  Lastly, smile!  The same rules apply for kids.  They may not shake hands (although some of my kids do), but in general it is good to go over this as well.  We also include in this area “The Art of Conversation”.  I have taught my kids at least 3 questions they can ask an adult or child to keep a conversation going.  As you can see, we need to prepare our children before they get to the moment.  For us, role-playing at home and reminders in the car keep everyone on track.

The Magic Words:  We all love to hear “please” and “thank you” coming from our children’s mouths.  However, just like any skill, it takes practice.  I don’t believe my child has grasped this concept until they do it without my prompting.  Being consistent with this, as a parent, drives the point home.  I often will have my children ask me for something.  For example, “Mom, I want juice”.  To which I will say, “Oh I would love to give you juice, but you forgot how to say ask for it properly”.  I will set the timer for 15 minutes, then you can come back and ask it again.  When she returns and says, “Mom, may I have juice, please?” I grant her request.  The same goes for “thank you” for the juice.  You only have to do this a couple of times before they get it.  I have found when children practice this at home, it comes naturally to them when they are outside the home. We have also role played with gift giving.  Having the right response for the gift your child doesn’t like is definitely a needed tool.  Another area children need to be instructed on is “Thank you” cards. We started really young with drawing pictures and by 1st grade all the kids could write most of their own “Thank you” cards.

Table Manners:  Family dinners are the perfect opportunity to develop good table manners.  When the kids were younger, we started with staying in their seat and keeping the food on the plate and in their mouths!  Eventually, they were old enough to graduate to no elbows on the table, napkins in the laps and sitting up straight, bringing the food to your mouth (difficult for some teens!).  We work on how to hold your fork, use your knife and chew your food.  Mealtime is a great way to teach the art of conversation also.  We have a time of sharing our day (“Pits and Peaks”) which first begins with quiet time for the kids while mom and dad talk.  This leads into a time where they share the best part of the day (God’s blessings) and the worst part of the day (What are you learning?). This time reaffirms the lessons of no interrupting and teaching kids to appreciate others’ differences while giving them a voice in the family.  Last, but not least, we develop the concept of cleaning up after yourself when dinner is finished.

With all the training opportunities, role-playing is the KEY!  I can’t say it enough – role-play, role-play, role-play . . .

Manners and etiquette don’t end there! A key resource for us has been The Etiquette Factory.  They are the “experts” on all things proper and they teach it all from a godly perspective.  Our family has still so far to go in this area!  I can tell you it does take work.  Remembering we are here to serve others and live out Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you”, is an invaluable gift you can give your children. One worth the work you will put in.

How have you been teaching your kids to help others feel more valued and more comfortable in their presence?

Jackie's Journey: Are You a Wise Mom?

"Wisdom calls aloud in the street..." Proverbs 1:20

Do you consider yourself to be a wise person? 

We each hold value systems that form our basic philosophies.  These we purpose to pass on to our children through goals we set for them.  Our desire is that they wisely hold our most highly valued principles.  As caring moms, our goal should be nothing less than to produce wise children who are self-motivated to do good and hate evil. 

Where do we begin?...

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom and to fear the Lord is to hate evil.

 I, Wisdom, hate pride, arrogance, evil behavior (rebellion) and perverse speech.”

Proverbs 1:7; Proverbs 8:13

What is a wise child?  How would you recognize one?

Foolish children are easy to spot!

When Wisdom calls…LISTEN!

“Wisdom is seeing life’s situation from God’s point of view and acting in harmony with Him”. (ATIA)  We will recognize wisdom in our child through his or her attitudes, words, and actions!       

Knowing God and knowing our responsibility in life does not guarantee we will be successful in parenting!  If we do not know how or what to do…we are lost.  Most moms have teachable hearts that want to understand God’s instruction. Some even demonstrate a desire to honor God with a wise decision-making process regarding the manner of child development by adhering to God’s Word and voice when He calls!

 Proverbs 29:17 says our “Children are to bring us REST

And to DELIGHT our souls!

 Discipline your son or daughter and he will give you PEACE;

he will bring DELIGHT to your soul”.

 Do your children bring delight to your soul?

Do they bring you peace and give you rest? 

Wisdom is knowing the right path to take.  Integrity is taking it!

We want wise children with integrity!

When our girls were not bringing us “rest” and “delighting our soul” we knew we were failing in our training.  My life was not that much different than yours…lots of activity and responsibility and never enough time!  We were convinced, as you are, that our success as parents would come from making our children successful.

When we take responsibility for our child’s behavior, we are in a position to change it!  This is called Discipleship…the key to training.  The goal of raising a wise child should be to develop godly Character. 

“Godly character is developing right attitudes that produce right actions, habitually”. (RJ)

This involves the need for consistent “attitude training” which educates the spirit of a child, as well as the will. (Ask:  Was it kind? Was it considerate?).  It brings integrity back into focus by replacing the “action-response” teaching  (“Mom said, don’t do that! Don’t touch! Stop it, I said don’t touch…no…no”)!

 “Action-response” teaching has this sequence:

• Warning
• Warning
• Elevated tone of voice
• Threat added for emphasis
• No consequence with total resolve

This sequence cultivates REBELLION!  God hates rebellion…

“For rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft…”!  I Samuel 15: 23 

Developing character in our little “Prince and Princesses” presupposes that WE are wise women of godly character!  “We are known and read by our children all the time…” I Cor. 3:2.  There is no hiding our true character…they read our spirit!

Do you know the test for measuring your own character?? 

 Character is revealed by what we do in secret and

 Maturity is revealed by what we do with our free time (T.V.; computer ;iPhone; iPad; books, magazines, music, FB, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, shopping, etc., etc..)

What do I do in secret?   What do I do with my free time?

Abraham Lincoln said, “There is just one way to train a child in the way he should go and that is to travel that way yourself!”

We are an example, or an excuse!!

Children learn what we are first, through our attitudes; then, what we teach them.  Training is first discipleship and then learning! Our job is to cause that learning in our child by lovingly training them to submit to our authority so they can be taught. 

A child that is not under control of his/her authority is preoccupied with resisting that authority and he/she cannot receive teaching!

The child that resists authority IS the teacher!!

When the course of action you are using has the goal of developing godly character through attitude training, the child will mature with wisdom and balance and will understand purpose in his or her life. 

What course of action are you on?