Capturing the Once-in-a-Lifetime Moments

Last year, my firstborn son, Christian, turned thirteen.  I had been preparing for this day in my mind for a long time.  You see, I am one of those idealist types.  I am more so in my mind than in my actions sometimes.  But I knew that I wanted to really celebrate this milestone in my son’s life.  I felt God’s small and quiet voice encouraging me on . . .

So I researched.  I got many books such as Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis and Celebrating of Faith by Randy and Lisa Wilson.  I read internet articles and talked to people who had done it.  I roped a kindred spirit whose son had grown up with mine and who shares a close birthday to celebrate the day together.  We got together to plan out the whole day. Ideas began to take shape.

I didn’t realize that we were planning something the Evil One so opposed.

I didn’t realize that my son’s faith was on the line.

I didn’t realize that it was such a battle to be won.

We let my son know that his upcoming birthday was going to be BIG.  There would be much required of him and that he should get ready.  One of the things we did was read Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schultz together.  We asked him to memorize some Bible verses we thought would be beneficial as he took on manhood.  He took this very seriously and was very nervous about the “big day”.

We also informed all our kids that we don’t believe in “teenagers”.  The word teenager has only been used for the last 80 years and with it comes a negative connotation.  Teenagers have a time where they can “wait” to “become”.  For centuries, boys have gone from child to adult. There was no focus on “wasted years”, but a focus on becoming an adult.  We challenged the kids to think of themselves as young adults and not your typical “teen”.  We also said that we would give a dollar to each child catching us saying the word “teenager” because old habits die hard for us parents!

As the day approached, I began to feel the struggle of my ideals and reality.  My husband was not able to help prepare due to illness.  My friend and her son decided not to participate due to unexpected family commitments. My mind was full of thoughts like “You don’t need to do this special day for Christian”, “Nobody else is doing this for their boys on their 13th birthday” and “This is just too much work.  Just give it up!”  I really struggled in my mind.  Asking the Lord, “Is this what you want or am I just doing this on my own accord?”

On the day I was going to give up, I ran into a family pastor friend from the Christian Camp we go to called Forest Home.  He just happened to be at the coffee shop we go to every Tuesday!  We got talking and I felt a nudge to ask him what he thought.  He has 6 grown boys!  He told me what he and his wife did every birthday for their sons starting at 13 and he encouraged me in the path that we had started down.  Sometimes you just need someone to be a cheerleader on the sidelines!

We prepared.  We prayed.  We saw God at work.

On the big day, we created The Warrior’s Quest (an Amazing Race type scavenger hunt) for Christian.  He was given a clue and had to perform a task in order to get the next clue.   Each clue coincided with a Warrior Trait we were incorporating into his Quest.  My husband miraculously felt better and was able to be the point person and driver for the whole day.  So here is what he did:

Task One:  A Warrior's Chivalrous Protection.  The clue was given on being a man who protects and provides for his wife/ family.  We talk so often about what kind of brother he is will determine the type of husband he will become. The task was to write letters of affirmation to each sibling.  He made French toast, berries and juice and served it to each in bed with his letter.

Task Two:  The Warrior's High Character.  The clue was given on being a man who is full of character.  We studied many of these character qualities this year.  Today, we highlighted honesty, integrity and compassion.  The task was to buy food for a homeless person on his own and then find someone to give it to (i.e. Compassion).  This was Christian and Bruce’s favorite part of the Warrior Quest as the man who received the bag was so grateful.  While shopping for the groceries, we arranged with the cashier to give him too much money as change.  Christian had to pass the test what he would do with the extra money. The grocery store manager gave him the next clue when he returned the money (i.e. Integrity and Honesty).

Task Three:  The Warrior's Leadership and Responsibilities.  The clue focused on teaching, mentoring, making others successful while leading, encouraging and taking on the areas that God has given him.  So many of these ideas were talked about over the year with his book study.  The task was to help coach his brother's T-ball team that morning while showing the younger boys his encouraging spirit.

Task Four:  A Warrior's Spiritual Impact and Prayer Life.  This clue spoke to who he will be as a man of God - how he pray, spend time in relationship with God and how he will serve in his life.  His task was to recite 6 verses he memorized and spend a great deal of time discussing this with his dad as they drove to Los Angeles.  

Task Five:  The Warrior's Commitment and Endurance.  This area focused on looking at life with Godly wisdom and following God's calling as a man and trusting God.  A warrior never gives up, has self-control and persistence.  He always tries something once and faces his fears.  The task was indoor skydiving in Hollywood

Task Six:  A Warrior’s Community and Accountability.  We know that a warrior doesn’t face life alone. They headed back that night for a big party where we went bowling, had pizza and enjoyed a small presentation with family and friends.  We had King David’s sword engraved for him saying “Be strong and courageous” Deut. 31:6. We also asked family and friends far and wide to write advice and affirmations that we put together in a large notebook for him.  And we also presented him with a picture book of his first 12 years.  

After it was all said and done, I got a moment with Christian.  He couldn’t wait to tell me . . . “You know mom, this was the best day ever! I don’t know if you notice how I have changed (well, yes, I had!).  Over the last couple months while you were building this day up, I was asking the Lord at night, if I was the kind of man He wanted me to be.  You know what he said? . . . No!  I was going down the wrong path.  He said I needed to work on my attitude and focus on being the kind of man He wants me to be.  So I have changed.  And he gave me a dream and told me that He has great plans for me . . . Thanks Mom for this day!  I will never forget it!”

It is just another day in the life of your child.

But an opportunity to make just another day into a once-in-a-lifetime moment.

For all of you out there, being tossed around with thoughts of giving up an ideal, DON’T!  Fight on!  Do it!  Your kids will BE the difference!

How have you celebrated the BIG moments in your kids’ lives?

Jackie's Journey: Mother's Day Is Coming!

This is for those of you who have been blessed with a godly Mother and she is still with you…

My mother is 96 years old and is my heart.  She has never given up on me and I have given her good reason to do just that!

After all, I took her first and only grandchild, a beautiful little girl, to live in a foreign country in the middle of the Darien jungles in Panama when she was just 3 years old!

“Whose Shoulders Do you Stand On?”

T. L. Cuyler said, “God made mothers before He made ministers; the progress of Christ’s kingdom depends more upon the influence of faithful, wise and pious mothers than upon any other human agency.”

 Who has had the most influence on your life?

Is it not your Mother?!

We are all a reflection of our mothers and their powerful influence!

Abraham Lincoln once said, “All I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

 When my father left us for heaven two years ago at 93, my brother-in-law wrote a tribute that ended with the question, “Whose shoulders are those upon which you stand?’   It comes from the Latin, “Nanos gigantum humeris insidentes” which translates, “Dwarfs standing on the shoulders of giants”! 

Well…my mother is a giant! 

She is an incredible human being.  She is a motivational force to be reckoned with that has always been a beacon for me when I have wanted to falter.  She is my hero.  I confidently step into the footprint she leaves behind.  Her vision for my success has been constant and her sacrifice on my behalf over our years together is more than praiseworthy.  Her loyalty and encouraging words, “You can do it, Jackie”, have been a consistent inspiration.  

My mother is noble and has learned God-control and the blessing of surrendering to Him.  She is the woman my father had confidence in all the days of his life.  She is resourceful and no one can out-shop, or in her younger days, out-walk her.  My wise Mother influenced some of the most important decisions my Dad ever made in business.

She is tenacious and never gives up if the cause is worth fighting for!  She is generous and compassionate and still looks over all of us with intense personal interest and care.

She is clothed in strength and dignity.  Her courage these last two years with my fathers passing, after 72 years of marriage, has been exemplary and a wonderful testament of her patient endurance.  Her stretching toward the cross in times of deep loneliness speaks to each of her four daughters of her immense capacity to trust her heavenly Father.

Her back door humor is renowned in our family, and we can always count on her to make life fun for us.  She is soft-spoken and gentle in nature, but bold as a mama bear, if you touch one of her babies, grandbabies or great-grandbabies. 

Proverbs 31 speaks of a virtuous woman.  We don’t know her name or what she looked like or her personality.  We learn of her inner character.

My mother is being praised today for her inner character, not her activities or physical beauty (although she is beautiful at 96, as her picture declares!).   I am addressing the eternal accomplishments of her soul and the heritage she carries and leaves behind for us to follow. 

Words fail me when it comes to expressing my gratitude for my mother… she is so much more than words…I cannot imagine my life without her!  My journey and the power of her influence on my life will be a forever blessing.  I am honored and privileged “to stand on her shoulders”.  Look down there, under your feet…

On whose shoulders do you stand today?

A Birthday to Remember

Last week, it was my husband’s 50th birthday! 

We have many family traditions revolving around birthdays. First, we start with the ever-popular waking-you-up-in-bed-with-presents custom.  Then we have a breakfast choice for the birthday boy on a “You are Special” plate.  We almost always have a party of some kind and a more recent idea is for my daughter to bake a special cake (like the one above).

But my favorite birthday heritage is our Affirmation Dinner.

Everyone in my family knows that this is part of being a Young.  On your birthday, we will go around and share something to acknowledge the masterpiece YOU are becoming.  Eph. 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

So if you are at our house on a birthday, we will eat dinner and then I will say something like, “It is time to affirm the birthday girl (or boy)! Who would like to go first?”  Then, someone will begin and everyone will participate going around the table.  That is a Young Family Rule!  Everyone has to say something!

Here are some questions that we use while affirming others:

Where have you seen God working in that person’s life?  What are character qualities that you see in that person?  What are three things you love about them?  What have they done in the last year that has been a blessing to you?  Do you see them changing the world around us, if so, how?

Just answer one of those questions and you are well on your way to an Affirmation Dinner.  Now the funny thing is I don’t always like being in the center on my birthday.  But I have this friend who insists on a girlfriend get-together to do birthday affirmation and then we do it at home too.  So on my birthday, I receive a double-dose of affirmations.

My friend, who initiates these affirmations, has the love language of “Words of Affirmation”.  She is literally “loving” me by doing this.  For some people, who have this love language, this is the best form of loving to them.  There are 5 love languages and if you don’t know yours, you can take this quick test here.

I have asked the Lord why I don’t like them that much.  Sure, I like hearing all the good stuff . . . but somewhere down inside, I feel like I don’t deserve it.  I squirm a bit.  But God reminded me last year that not only is it a blessing to hear the kind words of others that paint a picture of how I am becoming His masterpiece, but it also blesses those that speak it.  Encouraging and uplifting is a command in the Bible: 1 Thes. 5:11 encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 

The blessing of doing affirmations is found in Hebrews 3:13: But encourage one another … so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

Did it really just say that if I am not affirming and encouraging others that I might be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness?  YES!!  So not only is the one that is receiving the affirmations blessed, but the one giving it, too!

So won’t you consider blessing those around you with the words they so long to hear?  How can you affirm them on their birthdays or even today with encouragement?

Do You Ever Want to Escape?

I look forward to going on vacation.  Do you ever want to escape?

A vacation is an escape from the day-to-day routine where we get to explore, adventure and be alive.  Sometimes I just want to escape this reality I am living in.  In general, I love my life, but don’t you just wish you were somewhere else sometimes?

My family and I recently took a two week vacation to Hawaii thanks, in large part, to my mom.  My husband and I began to await the blessed time from the moment we booked the tickets. We entertained the idea of being together and showing the kids new places.  Every day I began to prepare for our up and coming adventure.

As we boarded the plane, all of us were overwhelmed with excitement.  A trip to Hawaii had been a dream for our kids for as long as we could remember.  When we arrived in the land filled with palm trees, warm and tropical breezes, we settled into a wonderful time.  But two weeks is a long time.

Days passed by. The excitement began to wear off and we began living life in Hawaii.  We were homeschooling, making dinner, doing laundry and dishes, and picking up the home we were living in.  Funny, these are all the same things that I do at home. 

And then my kids began to have attitude, being ungrateful and disobedient.  They argued about doing schoolwork and pestered their siblings.  Sadly, similar to the behaviors we work on at home.  My husband and I, who had been all giddy at first, sank into our regular routine and began to treat each other with familiarity.  I began to see the ugly faces of selfishness and disregard that I fight at home.

I pondered these things one morning.

I realized escaping from reality . . . from marriage . . . from children . . . from life, while blissful at first, will end up right where we were before.  The grass will look greener, but in real life we bring with us all the junk we had at home.  In Hawaii, we had just changed locations.  Sure, we went sightseeing, to the beach, surfing, and made all kinds of wonderful memories.  But the truth is that any ugliness in our hearts travels with us regardless of our location.

I might sit at home any day and just wish to be on vacation.  It is a longing for escape from what I don’t want to face; kind of like TV and movies for me.  But I will still love vacations.  God said to me one morning on the beach that I am a work in progress wherever I am.  My kids and my husband, they too, are His masterpiece that He is creating over time.  All six of us in our family are sinners.  So while I may long for a change of venue to somewhere tropical, I know that a vacation will not change our hearts and our souls and the escape will not have the effect I am hoping for.  Why do I think my kids will be better behaved driving two hours to Volcano National Park than they are here in Southern California?

I came home with a different appreciation for here and now.  Because I should never wish to be somewhere different than where God has me.  The grass is not greener, because it is a mirage.  When I get there, the grass will be the same color as mine.  The escape has all the hype without the follow through.

So for now, no matter if we are in Southern California, Hawaii, Australia, Germany . . . wherever the Lord leads us, I will remember, this is right where God has us.  All our “stuff “has made it to baggage claim with our luggage and we are to deal with it right where we are.  No fancy escape plan, just good old-fashion learning and growing, failing and forgiving, right where God has us.

1 Cor. 7:17 “And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there!”

Serving Out of Love

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Romans 12:10-11

 I do a lot for my kids.  I serve them. Because I love them.

 I love God so much more!! I want to serve Him too and I want to teach my kids that serving God is so much more than just writing a check and putting it in the offering baskets.  We serve not out of guilt or duty, but because we love.

 I want my kids to learn serving is a way of life. I am looking daily for opportunities to serve and share.  Most of the time, we serve our family, neighborhood and friends.  When we are out, we are looking for where God is working and join in.  I try and take every opportunity we have to get out there are serve a local ministry because I want to expose the kids to as much ministry as possible. This is not easy with all of the activities and schoolwork expected of my kids!  Sometimes it is hard work to get them there so they can be blessed to be a blessing.

Last week was one of those times.  We had a fieldtrip to the Children’s Hunger Fund warehouse.  We put on our hairnets and gloves and filled Food Paks that are distributed to local churches full of needed food. They are literally sent all over the world.  Most recently to Ebola-stricken Liberia. They in turn deliver them to those in need in Jesus’ name.  What a blessing it was to hear firsthand what the ministry is doing! Incredible!

Why do we make such an effort to expose our kids to serving?

1. We want them to love God!

Because He has redeemed us and set us free, there is nothing I would rather do than serve Him and be a part of His plan.  I am excited to see where God is working and jump in!  I want my kids to catch the enthusiasm my husband and I have for our Lord and Savior.  We want them to share in our love for Him and give willingly of themselves!  When they see we are excited, they get the bug too!

 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Romans 12:1

 2.  We want them to see God!

I believe there is no better place to experience God than where He is working.  My kids get to see miracles firsthand and see how awesome our mighty God is! There is nothing better as a parent than to see your child’s eyes open wide when they realize God is at work . . . and they are a part of it!  Whether it is here in America or overseas, God is doing amazing things every day.  Those that are part of His work are blessed to be a part. 

 Don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!  Hebrew 13:11 

3.  We want the Word of God to come alive for them.

There are so many verses about serving the Lord in the Bible.  When we teach our kids these verses and then put them into action, it is powerful for our kids.  So many things they learn in these formidable years, but few of them require too much action on their part.  Serving the Lord puts feet to His Word that does not come back void.  They get to see that it glorifies Him, that it blesses them, and that joy comes from serving the Lord.

 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Gal. 5:14 

4.  We want to rescue them from themselves!

Unfortunately, in Southern California, we are surrounded by activity, entertainment and stuff.  It is everywhere, I know!  As I spend time being the mamma taxi driver, I think “shouldn’t we be saving the world?!”  Does this next dance lesson count for eternity? But more importantly, I see their hearts.  My kids get caught up in the treasures of the world and quickly can focus on themselves.  Funny, I have the same problem.  Stepping out to serve others quickly takes the focus off of them and puts it back on others.  You cannot serve two masters. Kids can easily go from self-focused to others-focused in minutes, which we are hoping will continue as they grow into adulthood.

"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.   Matt. 6:24

5.  We want to help them see their purpose in life!

We believe serving helps focus on God’s grand plan.  Once our kids get a vision for what God has planned for their lives, we know He will make it happen.  But that can only come from God – and not mom and dad!  Serving helps kids see that they have a gift with which to serve Christ; the more opportunities we give them to stretch, the better they might be at seeing their purpose in life.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace 1 Peter 4:10

So yes . . .getting the whole family up at 6:00 a.m. and driving up two hours to serve as a family was a stretch, but I believe that the rewards will be great.  Our memories of serving will become another picture in their lifetime of loving God.  We think the effort is worth it.

 Where can you serve with your kids? What do you have to sacrifice to make this happen?

Time

I have never had a website, a Facebook page, Pinterest account or a Blog until January of this New Year 2015!  I am officially welcoming a new world of technological communication with the opening of all four at once!  With its availability comes a huge responsibility to use them wisely…they can become time consuming!  

“Our greatest danger in life is in permitting the urgent things to crowd out the important.”  Dr. Bob Jones, Sr. used to say, “Never sacrifice the permanent on the altar of the immediate.” 

Everyone receives an equal supply of time.  The only difference between us is in the way we spend it.  Each week brings us 168 golden hours.  We spend approximately 56 hours for sleep and recuperation.  We spend approximately 28 hours for eating and personal duties.  We spend approximately 40-50 hours for earning a living.  We have 30-40 hours left to spend just as we wish.  But how do we spend them?  How many hours for recreation?  How many hours for family communication?  How many hours for the regular worship of God (devotion, fellowship, meditation, etc.)  How many hours for personal service in the name of Christ?  Will we rob God?  We can and we do! 

Perhaps we may be very busy with good things, yet too busy for the best things.  The great question is:  Have we made wise use of our time as good stewards of Christ?

Henry Clay Trumbull said, “Today is, for all that we know, the opportunity and occasion of our lives.  On what we do or say today may depend the success and completeness of our entire life struggle.  It is for us, therefore, to use every moment of today as if our very eternity were dependent on its words and deeds”…

I know for me with this new commitment of 2015, I am so challenged to be circumspect with the “Steps of ACTION” I am setting for myself to stay focused. Here are the first two:

1.  Define the goal and set the priorities necessary to hit the mark. This will fill my life with godly purpose and direction.  My commitment is to your personal success each Monday morning and my first priority will be to set a defined amount of time to reach that goal.  That will entail allowing the Word of God to “dwell richly” in me during my daily devotional and worship time with Him (Matt. 6:33).  My goal is to please Him first!  Gal. 3:3 is my monitor, for it admonishes and asks me “…Are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?” Never, it cannot be done with eternal purpose!

2.  I am taking some of that time given each week to ask myself some important questions.

            When I get to the end of this year/life, what do I want to look back on and say I accomplished?

            Did I give personally with my service to God, with my family, friends, professionally…? 

            Who did I glorify…myself or my Lord?

How can I reach the full potential of what God has planned for me this year?  Philippians 3:12-14 says we are to press on toward the (set) goal, forgetting the past (no bitterness) and reach toward the future…  

Unplugging the Family

We love to get away.

My husband and I love to travel.  We love to explore and be adventurers.  We love to leave the worries of home, the to-do lists and the constant pressure of life behind and “get out of Dodge”.  Sometimes we hop on a plane or jump in the car for a long road trip, but most of the time we go just a hour or two from our home to somewhere close to nature.  Anywhere that God’s creation is close enough to touch the senses and join together in the harmony of life.

This last weekend, we headed up to our local mountains.  We took away cell phones, Ipads and went wireless for the weekend.  This is a Young family rule for getaways.  With two thirteen-year-old boys on the trip (my son and a friend), it is always a stretch to get them to leave behind their cyber world.  I find even my girls and my six-year-old son blossom in the non-technical world of yesteryear.

Have you ever wanted to grab away their phones and yell “Look at me!”?

Do you ever feel like the invisible friends they are texting are capturing their hearts?

How did my six-year-old learn to love all these online games?

Yeah, me, too!

But when we get away and unplug – something magical happens.  Sure, they complain at first, but eventually, my kids are my kids again.  This weekend, we played games – old-fashioned board games. They played for hours in the creek behind the house.  The older kids found freedom biking around the lake and through the very small mountain community.  They were bored for awhile, but then their God-given creativity took hold and they built forts.  They baked.  They cleaned up the cabin.  They created memories.

As a family, we reconnected hiking to a near by waterfall.  We went biking and antiquing and bowling.  We watched a couple of family friendly movies together by the fire.  We laughed and we joked.  The young men come up with very silly ways to express themselves.  We had home church on Sunday.

Why is this important?

There are so many great reasons to unplug from technology and get back to the simpler things in life.  We have seen Matt. 6:21 come to life “For where you treasure is, there will your heart be also”.

First, I see the addictive personalities in my kids and in myself.  This lesson is only really learned when we take away the object of our obsession.  It is funny how they act like a minute away is a death sentence, but after the weekend they tend to need it less.  Second, I feel like life is happening all around my kids and they may miss it!  The true experiences and conversations are happening in the moment.  I work hard to help my kids understand that these minutes in time will not be repeated.  Next, when we are always connected it is harder to experience the quiet times need to spend time with the Lord and evaluate our own lives.  Something is always beeping or flashing to get our attention.  They seem to always interrupt our family conversation times.  Lastly, there is something entirely unique and wonderful about being face-to-face with others.  Yes, we can text and facebook, but nothing will replace the experience of looking at another person in the eye and sharing our heart and dreams.  Family time is meant to be shared together and not all co-existing in our own worlds.

Our family has decided that family vacations and getaways are our times together.  We also take off certain days at home too as “non-tech days”.  We hold on to them tightly because we know the world wants to rob us of these special times together.  So unplug with your kids and see what happens.

Do you need an “unplugged” vacation?