Surreptitious Scorpion!

efore we arrived in Panama, we had seen the handiwork of the Kuna Indians and were amazed at their beautiful Mola creations. They would take the jungle and its inhabitants and meticulously sew them into intricate three layer tapestries.   We would soon discover the secrets of these pieces of art!  

Can you see the arthropods on this one?

A typical Kuna Mola

When challenged for tribal missions the unknowns were the most difficult to adjust to…and the unknowns were many and continual.  Honestly, there were more unknowns in our jungle life than I could ever have imagined while stateside…and trust me, I thought my fear had covered everything conceivable in preparation for our missionary service!

The word hope in the Bible is a term of certainty.  The Greek word translated “hope” in the New Testament is elpizo, which means,  “to anticipate with confident expectation.”  Uncertainty and the unknown are bedfellows!  They helped develop my capacity to be a woman of hope and not despair.

Arriving in the last frontier of Panama…the Darien Gap, I stepped over the threshold of our new home.  The Darien Gap is said to be one of the last wild frontiers in the world!

Had I not heard this before arriving??

It was dark and wet.  The mud-packed floor was cold!  Ralph had poured one cement floor in the house, but then realized it was not a viable option to do more considering the amount of weighty bags of cement that would have to be carried two days from Panama City by banana boat and, then, another day upriver by dugout to reach the shoreline of our village.

Kim, our youngest daughter, was a nursing baby when we first arrived. As the months rapidly slipped away from us, we knew she would soon be crawling.  Anticipating his daughter’s first attempts, her Dad found woodcutters from Colombia to carve a wood floor from the jungle.

He also brought in cats from Panama City to discourage the creepy crawlers, skittering mice, and flying bats in the house at night!  Kim loved the cats!  Right on cue, before the floor was finished, Kim began crawling and she was fast! She chased the cats and disappeared out of sight every chance she got!

Kim's friends

One morning her little friends were circling our bed in a very agitated manner.  Kim was as excited as the cats and crawling right behind them!  Swiftly snatching her up into my arms, I caught a glimpse of something large moving under the bed!  I was hoping it was a bird that had lost its way…

Not certain what had entered the house unaware, I instinctively picked up the biggest and heaviest object I had close at hand…Ralph’s size 14 combat boot!  With one fell swoop I smashed the largest scorpion I had ever seen.  Its crushed tail extended beyond the end of the boot!

Alertness is learning to foresee dangers and fully understand the consequences!  No problem here…I was on alert!

This, of course, includes creepy crawlers but also being alert to the dangers of our words, actions, attitudes, and thoughts!  My thoughts could never have visualized all the variables that became my almost daily occurrences.  Being alert to what was taking place around me was a practice that became inherent in our jungle life. 

Being watchful and prompt to meet danger or an emergency is the definition of alertness.  Learning to pay attention to the lessons God was teaching me through the experiences He was bringing my way were invaluable to my spiritual growth.  My anxiety, resistance and need to be “in control” often hindered His growing me up!

How alert are you?

Have those under your care experienced problems that should have been detected and corrected? 

Are you aware of opportunities God gives you to witness and encourage others to grow spiritually? 

What is the last problem you could have avoided by being alert to danger?

Jackie's Journey: First Impressions

A year or so after moving into the Darien Gap in the jungles of Panama, I was asked by our field leaders to jot down my first impressions. To my surprise I read my notes in our New Tribes Mission Brown Gold Magazine months later in May 1973.  A few days ago I was going through some photo albums and found the same article I had written.

The purpose of the writing was to call attention to the desperate need to reach these unreached people tucked into little corners all over the world.  H.A. Roberts said, “The toughest challenges lead to the greatest triumph’s”.  The call is as imperative now, as it ever was then.  Here is that quoted article reproduced:

“HERE WE ARE!  Address: El Rio Pucuro, Nowhereland!

Our village carved out of dense jungle.  My house has a tin roof in the foreground.

Only 26 days ago we flew into El Real in an eight-passenger plane and were picked up in the same dilapidated jeep that had met us 6 months before.  We headed to the waterfront, a short ride on a dusty, bumpy road that I viewed between my feet through the holes in the floorboard! 

We got as close as the jeep could go and then hobbled ¼ mile with 3 month-old Kim in my arms, 3 year-old Christina hanging on to my dress, three suit-cases, an infant seat to use in the floor of the dugout, and boiled water!

We traveled an hour to Yavisa for the night.  Next morning, at 5:00 a.m., we loaded the piraguas (dugout canoe) for Pucuro.  We ate fish and rice for breakfast and began our 11-hour trip upriver.

The winding river Pucuro!

ours passed and I couldn’t believe the beauty I was beholding.  The jungle is plush, full and spattered with green and yellow blankets of butterflies all along the way.  The first six hours were quick and, other than cramped arms and legs from protecting Kim from the beating sun and being sandwiched between our household belongings, we all fared well.  The last six hours were a real battle against our dry river and a swift current!  No less than twenty times Ralph and the others jumped into the shallow water to push us over rocks, etc. that worked like a barricade to delay our long awaited entrance into the land of the Kuna people.

Dry season means shallow waters!

Just before dark I looked up and saw brown bodies silhouetted along the sandy break in the jungle.  My heart began to pound as I realized I was about to face a people that had consumed our hearts and minds for over three years!

Would they accept us?

Would they grab my baby and run into the dark?

What should I expect?

The verse “My grace is sufficient…” flooded my mind as I yielded to His wooing and relaxed!

As we pulled into shore at 6:30 p.m. the people swarmed all over us.  Somebody took Kim out of my arms and stepped away into the dark.  In the confusion Christina lost her shoe and I felt Ralph tug on my arm to head up the bank to our house.  I called in the dark for Kimi and somebody laid her in my arms while the others laughed.

As we meandered up a narrow, overgrown path to glimpse our jungle house, all I could hear was little Christina in her Daddy’s arms asking for her lost shoe!   

Oh, for the simple trust of a child! 

In a few moments we stepped into our new home.  The dirt floor was cold, mainly because I was wet from our trip in, but too, it was dark and the river had filled the air with moisture.  The following morning I opened my eyes to what looked like a storehouse with boxes, tanks, mosquito netting, etc.  Soon we were busy greeting people, finding suitcases with dry clothes, and hunting through canned goods and paper sacks for food to eat.

Now, 26 days later, I’m looking back to the first “Congreso” where I drank my first Indian “chicha” from communal cups, the first days of helping women sweep the village where I obtained my four blisters on one hand, the initial jolt of a hairy tarantula spider on my laundered sheet, the adjustment to the intense curiosity of the people, the initiation of washing clothes in the river, the perpetual problem of children urinating in our house, and the mixed emotions of a protective mother.

This evening, less than a month interior, we find ourselves with tape recorder in hand and a house full of Indians, struggling again to communicate the precious Gospel of Jesus with these still in heathen darkness.

New Tribes Missionaries 1971-1984

Will you pray for tribal missionaries?

Will you pray for the many still unreached tribes?

When Princesses Grow Up...

"The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ..."   Romans 8:16,17

Some day your princesses will grow up . . .

I have two daughters. They came out of womb with the notion they were born for royalty.  No one told them this.  At about 18 months, my oldest daughter started to gravitate to everything pink and fluffy.  Before she ever saw a Disney princess or wore a costume, she put left over fabric around her and danced around saying, “Look at me mommy! I’m a princess!”

When they were little, my girls used to dress up in the most frilly, sparkly princess dresses and twirl around.  Nothing was too pink or too glittery to ever wear.  They would change their girly outfits from our well-stocked “dress up” box every hour.  Setting up tea parties, make believe lands and fashion shows were a daily occurrence.  Every once in a while, they would even try to put an outfit on their brothers.  This was regular life in the home of princesses.

I believe each of us is born a princess.  God made us to be a daughter of the King.  It is innate.  Before we ever see a Disney movie or a picture of Cinderella, our girls know they are made for greatness.  God has given them this gift of a purpose and a plan on this earth – our royal heritage. 

What a huge blessing and privilege it has been for our family to be given the stewardship of the Princess Parables ministry.  My girls were eight and five when the books first came out, and they couldn’t wait to dress up and help mommy at the booth.  But times change and our girls grow up!

In the last couple of months, my almost thirteen year old has decided being a princess is not for her.  She is maturing and likes to wear jeans with plaid shirts and Converse tennis shoes instead of lace and frills.  She wants a modern bedroom, not a princess bedroom.  She has asked to not dress as a princess at the conventions anymore and not have her identity be “a princess”.

While this was a huge blow to me and it has taken me a while to get used to, I can see God at work.  Even though it is our family ministry, my daughter can take on other jobs of service, and she doesn’t have to “dress up” anymore.  We are still working on her role exactly, but she does need to grow and figure out who she is.  And more importantly, who she is in Christ!  I need to keep my relationship with her whole because she is my heart and my love.

She will always be a princess on the inside.  She is a daughter of the true King and is created for greatness. God has His perfect plan for her.  She is still gracious, loving, kind, willing to serve, excellent in character and poised - even if she doesn’t wear a crown.  I am so grateful for the many years we have had this experience together.  I just honestly never saw the end coming.  I didn’t know one day it would be “her last” day to “dress up” at a convention.  Luckily for my heart, I still have one daughter (for the time being) who likes the Princess Parables.

So last weekend, I listened to my girls and we remodeled their “Princess” Bedroom.  Gone are the pink and purple walls. Here instead is a contemporary gray and turquoise palette. We have removed the case of porcelain dolls and tucked away the American Girl Dolls.  The princess beds have been traded for modern white ones.  And a sleek white IKEA desk has taken the place of stuffed animals and toys.  

As much as I would have liked them to stay little and be princesses forever, it is just not God’s plan.  I love the women they are becoming and the friends they are to me.  Yes, we have our “moments” in these young adult years, but they are a growing time for all of us.  I can’t wait to see all God has planned for their lives.

My advice to you moms of young princesses:  ENJOY!  If your girl wants to wear her princess dress to the grocery store, let her.  If they invite you to a tea party, go! I wish I had more often.  Take lots of pictures.  I realize now in the many of the “normal” moments of life, I never took pictures.  Some day, it will be their “last” and they will not stand up and announce it.  Enjoy every moment!

I am going to miss the frilly dresses, pink frosting and glitter everywhere, for certain, but I welcome these new grown up young ladies God has blessed me with!  It is a new season!

 I guess I will just have to wait for grand baby princesses to spoil!

Jackie's Journey: the Longest Journey

  “Faithful is He who calls you, who will also do it.” I Thessalonians 5: 24

How many years have you been married?

 Does fifty years sound outrageous?

  Marriage is the proving ground for developing our loyalty toward God.

My parents were married 74 years and my husband’s parents were married 47 years, so 50 years does not seem inordinately long to either of us…

I met my Prince at university, and if you were to ask our college friends, they would be astounded that we are celebrating our Golden Wedding Anniversary!

Most did not give us two years!  Ralph and I are polar opposites in almost every way.  However, we had the one element in marriage that will guarantee longevity…we were both individually committed to “burn out” serving God wherever He led us. My husband’s godly zeal and spiritual leadership in our home has been preeminent and a constant for the last 50 years! 

I have been blessed with a man who has loved me unconditionally, and when he said “for better or worse” he meant it.  We have weathered the storms of life with near death experiences more than once, and his loyalty to God and me is noteworthy.  Ralph and I continue to learn and grow together.  “Deference living” - rather than compromise - is a key to our taking our two wills and finding harmony in God’s will.

Ralph’s name means “bold counselor” and that he is! He is a man of motion and direction.  He was once told he is an ”afflicter of the comfortable and a comfort to the afflicted!”  I could write a book with all his wise one-liners, biblical formulas and scriptural definitions.  His capacity to see things in Scripture and interpret them from the inside out to give a total new look to a familiar verse is uncanny! 

Christian missionaries are people whose passion is to make the Lord Jesus known to the whole world.  They are completely under the command of King Jesus (Ralph often rolls out of bed, stands at attention and salutes heavenward, committing his day!), and they will go anywhere, under any circumstances, for no pay, with poor living conditions and food, even though no one ever notices.  They know their Sovereign is watching every minute, and that is the only reward and joy they seek…a true missionary is someone who will risk everything for the sake of the lost of this world…this is my husband!

We have a precious heritage that is a loving reminder of our loyalty to God and our responsibility into the third and forth generations.

God's faithfulness...!

Our lives are based on Proverbs 3:5,6: Trusting the Lord with all our hearts and allowing Him to direct our paths. Matt. 6:33:  “Seeking first the King of heaven” and allowing Him to supply everything we need for life and godliness.

We are convinced that He takes the weak and confounds the mighty.  We are proof of His faithfulness…I Corinthians 2:1-2 speaks my heart, like Paul’s, when he says, “…I did not come to you with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.  For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.  I came to you in weakness and fear and with much trembling. My message was not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom but God’s power”.

If we had these 50 years to do over again, we would like to serve more and better, as we were bought with the price of His blood.  Romans 6: 16-18 says, “We were slaves of sin and now are slaves of righteousness”.   We work daily on being better slaves!

Have you found your marriage to be a proving ground

for your faithfulness to God? 

However impressive or challenging your marriage may be, 

it is the genuine proof of the degree of your loyalty to God.

All Or Nothing Kind of Girl!

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 2 Peter 1:5-7

I tend to be an all or nothing kind of girl. 

I am either “all in” or “terribly off”!   My whole life, modeled to me by my father, has been an ebb and flow of times completely disciplined to times of complete splurging.  Whether it is exercise, quiet times, eating, having fun, or studying, I can look back over my life and see this “generational” thread.  I can see the blessing and the curse of this way of living.

This summer I have been eating what I call the “Cancer Scare Diet”.  This form of eating is extreme, but has given me fantastic results in the past.  Not only that, but I look healthy, feel good and have lost weight!  There is a silver lining!  I eat most of the loving food God gave us to eat – minus, of course, wonderful fruit (too much sugar).  So I eat loads of veggies, seeds and nuts.  Kind of boring, I know.  But my taste buds have changed and it all does taste good to me.  Recently, I have added back in fish and occasionally white meat because I need amino acids for a treatment I have been doing.  So basically some would say I am eating “The Caveman Diet” or “The Adam and Eve diet”. 

Last Saturday after four months of food boredom and feeling a bit sorry for myself, I broke down and ate whatever sounded good to me.  I had potato chips, Pirate Booty, peanut butter, a health chocolate shake, chicken sandwich meat, and crackers.  A lot of all of this – in one sitting!  No sugar though!  I lacked self-control to the point of making myself physically ill.  I was a glutton, but… just … could … not … eat … another … vegetable!

The very next day, I paid for it – BIG time!  I got food poisoning.  For a full 24 hours, I felt the effects of my eating.  I could barely walk and I could barely make it to the bathroom quick enough – if you get the gist!  I saw the effects first hand of my lack of self-control and eating spree.  I had to miss a couple of fun activities with the kids and stay close to home.

I had been tempted by all the amazing food in my pantry the rest of my family eats!

I lost my will power – my self-control. 

Everything in me knew better, but I didn’t care.  Do you ever feel like that?  About food, money, thoughts, words, etc.?  James 4:17 says “To one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin”.  Yes, I sinned and in a word was a true glutton – one of the seven deadly sins.

Now, some of you, friends, would say to me, I am being a bit over-the-top.  I can have a day off now and then. Here is what the Lord taught me through this.  On this day, I made a choice.  I choose the things not good for my body, His temple.  My choices will not help my current “condition”.  I chose something I know as “wrong” and with the choice came consequences.  God in His infinite wisdom created “natural consequences” as a form of teaching us. 

Natural consequences become the helpful teaching time with my children, as well.  We have been reaping the benefits of this God-given parenting tool.  If you cut your hair with the play scissors, your bangs may take months to grow out.  If you take your iPad out of the case and it drops on the ground, it will break.  If you don’t take a jacket and it rains, you will get wet.  If you forget to study, you will get a failing grade on the test.  And so on . . .

So in my situation, I am the child and God is my Father.  If you eat the foods not designed for your body, they will do harm and you will be sick.

Did I learn my lesson?  Absolutely!  I am back eating veggies again.  I just decided to try to get some variation so I don’t get too bored, and this will help ease my temptations.  But during this time, I also heard God clearly that He wants me to heal.  My body is an amazing creation He made to heal itself.  I am standing on those promises.

I can see why self-control is in the long list of fruit of the Spirit.  Being an all or nothing kind of girl, I know I need all of the fruit to work together.  When I have self-control, I am patient, which makes me kinder and more gentle.  This leads me to be more loving to others (and myself) and helps me focus on goodness.  Bringing about a sense of joy and faith to usher me into the God-given peace I so desperately want.  And it all starts with self-control for me!

So in what ways have you lost your self-control?

What did you do to “bounce” back into the fruit of the Spirit?

Jackie's Journey: Final Farewell??

Kim, my companion, in those last days!

“On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.  Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”

Psalm 63: 6,7,8. 

The Darien is an earthy, steamy environment of thick rainforest.  The humidity was thick enough to slice and the heat was barely bearable.  With our return to Pucuro after my surgery came the responsibilities that we had left three months prior.  Our partners, Jay and Sue Gunsteens and their family, had gone on furlough and returned to the States. My strength had not returned and I tired very easily.  I started resting in the afternoon and within a few months I was having difficulty getting up. 

Ralph had fastened a battery tape recorder to the wall above the bed so I could listen to the Book of Psalms.  They brought me great comfort as I listened to David in his distress and God’s continual deliverance.  God became my refuge and consolation in ways I had never experienced before.  The isolation from civilization, the absence of medical convenience and the sense I was dying was exchanged for finding Him more than enough to meet all my apprehension.

How does God meet you in a tight spot?

 The daily opening of the clinic, delivering of babies in the night, homeschooling Christina, the care of Kimberly, the linguistic work and the daily opportunity to share Christ… all brought profound joy.  In spite of my physical state, my circumstances brought life-lessons I would never have recognized, experienced or understood apart from this plan God had for me.

“If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?  If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?

Jeremiah 12: 5; Proverbs 24:10

We kept thinking if we could just persevere a few more months we would see our Kuna family in a spiritual place where we were comfortable leaving for an extended furlough and seek medical help.  We did not want both missionary families among our tribe to be on furlough at the same time.

The people would come and sit with me as I lay in bed.  Nangel, the village midwife, grandma, and precious new Christian, came daily and I looked forward to her visit.  One day she kept saying to the other women in our bedroom, “Purkwis tani!”.  Usually, that phrase is reserved for those who are dying.  It is translated, “Death comes!”  I remember thinking…it had been over a year since the surgery and I must look bad!  As a young mother, death seemed illusive, an impossibility…until my health failed and God began to speak to me gently, resolutely and unmistakably through His Word…

Did Nangel see something I couldn’t? 

A few weeks later a couple on the field committee, Don and Pat Barger, came in by plane for a day visit. The look on their faces when they entered our home told me that what Nangel had said might be true!  They immediately encouraged us to leave the village with them and to take an early furlough and get medical help in the States.  I had one small round mirror interior, and I had watched my face become thin and gaunt over the months, but I did not realize how tiny I was all over!

Waiting in Panama City for our flight to the States

I will forever be grateful for their divine intervention in our lives that day.  After a few days and friendly persuasion, we packed a few things, said our good-byes and headed to Scripps Diagnostic Hospital in the States.

As the plane lifted into the sky, I caught a glimpse of the entire village waving to us in what could have been our final farewell. 

Do you hear His voice daily speaking to you through Scripture?

Gently?  Resolutely?  Unmistakably? 

Are you listening?

Are You a Fun Mom?

I think I used to be fun a very long time ago, maybe before I was a mom. One of the reasons my husband married me in the first place was because he says I am fun (that was his #1 reason).  But as the years progressed and we had more kids, I changed.  My hormones were up and down. I slept less and took on more stress. I don't think I am fun anymore. 

With the kids, I often feel like the referee, the teacher, the cook, the maid, and the taxi.  Somehow it drains all the FUN out of me!

But I want to be a fun mom!  I always have wanted that . . .

After cancer, my attitude has been transformed.  I take each day that God has given me. I don't wait for the “next time” or when things might be “perfect”.  I just dive in because today might be my last.  Today might be your last. 

You just never know God's plans for you.  I think it is sad that it took cancer to get me back to being a more in-the-moment kind of mom.  One thing, I am no longer a bystander.  I now do so many more things than I used to, instead of just sitting around and watching others do them.

For instance, our Bible Study group, Elements, heads down to the beach each Tuesday with all our kids.  Each week I coax the ladies I am with into the ocean with me for a half hour.  One of them has not been in the ocean for 15 years!  We take in the waves, talk and shiver in the chilly Pacific waters.  I feel rejuvenated and refreshed. Today I asked the girls how old they felt jumping over the waves.  "12", one of them said.  Ah, we are living life! 

Now there are a bunch of health benefits to going in the ocean every week, which I just have to mention here.

First, the minerals in the sea air decrease stress and increase a sense of well-being.  Salt in water preserves the melatonin, tryptamine and serotonin levels in your brain.  This helps with fighting off depression or improving your sense of well-being. Going in the ocean water with your back to the breaking waves is like a reset of your emotional state.

Second, studies indicate that the minerals contained in the ocean’s water help with arthritis, psoriasis and even depression.  Other skin diseases, such as rosacea, eczema and rashes from plant allergies or heat are positively affected by the ocean water.  We decided today that we felt our skin was softer from our once-a-week plunges.

Third, ocean water contains iodine, which boosts thyroid function and improves the immune system.  When you are in seawater, the amount of oxygen carried throughout your bloodstream is improved and more nutrients are carried through your bloodstream to fight off free radicals. Ocean water also improves circulation of blood to organs.

Next, the swells and currents in the water act as a lymphatic massage to your whole body.  Being in the ocean water for a half hour is just like paying $80 for an expensive spa lymph massage.  Only God could know what our bodies need and provide a free alternative for our health.

Lastly, air particles break apart releasing ions into the atmosphere when the waves break.  Some scientists claim that sea air contains an abundance of negatively charged ions. These Ions are so good for us! In today’s society, we have too many positive ions in our lives.  You may know positive ions by another name – free radicals.  Because electricity, computers, TV and electronics are all sources of positive ions, it is easy to see why we have a shortage of negative ions.  Increasing our exposure to negative ions has many health benefits including enhancing the immune system, increasing alertness and improving concentration.  The negative ions from the ocean also help to reset your immune system and give you energy.

The biggest benefit is that my kids come and hang out with me in the water.  At least my girls do. So I am writing this for all the moms out there who want to stay in your beach chair this summer (like I have done so many years in a row!).  I had many excuses - I didn't want to get wet, it was too cold, I didn't want to have anyone see my overweight body, I didn't want to have to shower . . .  and so on.  JUST DO IT!  Whatever it is, experience God's creation with your kids!  Get in the ocean, the river, the lake - take that hike, jump in the pool with your kids . . . experience life!  This one life God has given you!  You never know when it will change - your kids will grow, your health may deteriorate - do it now before it's too late! 

The fun mommy in all of us is just waiting to come out. You never know – you might get healthier while you're at it!  Come join me this summer  . . . your kids, and probably your husband, will love it! Just picture our God in heaven smiling down watching you enjoy the things He made for you!  What could be better?

You shall go out in JOY and be led forth in PEACE"  Is 55:12

Jackie's Journey: Inexplicable Agony Part 2

“When God wants to bring more power into your life, He brings more pressure.” (A.B. Simpson)

My husband’s increasing pain with no resolve had become a constant pre-occupation.  Pressure, by definition, is a continuing opportunity for others to observe our true character.

“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” II Corinthians 4: 17

Our appointment at the Center for Disease Control was early, and to get into the lab, we needed to walk past a zoo-like structure that enclosed a number of caged odiferous monkeys. 

They were loud and aggressive as we made our way to the foyer.

We were greeted by two of the staff that led us down a long corridor to a small room with jars of unspeakable contents lining the counters.  After a series of tests and reviewing the hospital reports, these research doctors, who had been so kind to us, both had smiles of success on their faces. 

“As incredible as this may seem, Ralph”, they started their explanation, “somehow, you have broken into a cycle only seen in animals, specifically horses.  You have strongyloides, a parasite that burrows into the intestinal wall… and eats it!  The reason the Coca-Cola gave you relief is because the parasite would not burrow its head in those few moments because they feed on sugar.  So you were able to sense a temporary relief. This particular parasite is literally eating your intestinal wall!!” 

Looking for a source of entry, one doctor asked to see Ralph’s feet.  Ralph’s heels were deeply cracked and the parasite had entered into his system directly from the contaminated soil in the Choco settlement he had recently visited!  As interested as Ralph was in the entire explanation, all he really wanted to know was “how do we kill the creatures?!” 

The good news was that there was a treatment…but…it was for horses!  The bad news was they did not know if it would work on a human…or kill him instead?!  They were very careful to explain that under no circumstances was he to take more than one teaspoon a day because the medicine was so toxic. 

We needed to stay in Panama City another week for them to run a last test to see if the medicine had worked.  After three days and no relief, Ralph looked at the girls, and me, and said,  “It’s me or the bugs!”  He, instantly, took the bottle, turned it upside down, emptying its entirety into his mouth!  My heart started pounding…

Who does that???

He seemed fine for the first hour or so, and I breathed a sigh of relief.  Then, abruptly, he became agitated and turned into the Hulk!  He grabbed my arm and yelled something unintelligible.  His wild eyes looked like the man who had broken into the house a few days earlier! 

 What had he done?!

This strong, gentle man had become forceful and alarming.

Fortunately, we were still in the city, but it was too late to call the doctors.  When morning broke we loaded into the borrowed vehicle and headed back to the lab to see if Ralph had done something irreparable!  He, however, was excited to let the doctors know that the massive dosage of the toxic vial had made him a crazy man …but not killed him.  The real issue: Did it kill the parasites?!  

“Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it?  Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?  Why should any living man complain…”  Lamentations 3: 37-39

Needless to say, the doctors were horrified and shocked that he had taken the whole bottle, but were grateful that he had survived!  They were anxious to test him for the parasite.   We sat silently waiting for the test results.  If the parasites lived through the toxic exposure, there was no other treatment known to help us.

They quietly re-entered the room …gleaming!

Ralph had lived… and the bugs had died!!

During those days of excruciating pain, never once did Ralph complain.  He was not suffering…just ask him!   He gave thanks continually and even at his worst, submitted to the will of God.

“The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm” Psalm 19: 23 

Pressure is the great tester of our spiritual condition…  “The greatness of a man’s power is the measure of his surrender.”  (William Booth) 

How do you respond to pressure?

Two Lies and One Truth

Do you ever wake up at 3:00 a.m. with restless thoughts??

Recently, I have had some health opportunities . . .

In 2011, I had breast cancer and God allowed me to be a medical miracle.  In the last five months, my cancer tumor markers have been going up.  I have tried everything I know on this earth to bring them back down (detoxes, eating raw, holistic intervention, etc).  They continue to climb . . .

As you can imagine, all of this has taken over my thought life.  I play through the scenarios in my mind and I just can’t let it go.  The What-If game plays nightly on my own special channel.  My nights (even though I know better) are caught up in worrying about the future at 3:00 a.m.

As I seek the Lord, in my worried state, I begin to see TWO LIES the Evil One throws at me:

1. You show worry and be anxious because somehow that will change the outcome of your days.
2. You can control the future and this current health challenge by every thing you do.

Lies, I tell you, lies of the enemy!!!  They come screaming in the middle of the night and I believe them in the moment.  “The cancer has spread.” “You won’t be here to see your kids graduate or get married” “You will have to do chemotherapy and get really sick”.  These are the voices I hear at 3:00 a.m.!

Here is THE TRUTH that replaces the lies!

God says: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6). God takes care of the birds of the air and grass of the field (Matt. 6:26-30) Why don’t I think He is currently, in this health challenge, taking care of me?  He IS!!! 

God is teaching me so much about trusting Him TODAY!  Right in the midst of these thoughts, He is there.  God knew I would be here.  He knew I would have these opportunities and this given time in history.  Yet, he wrote these verses to encourage ME and YOU, in our moments, just like these.  My job is not to control things, but to rest and trust in God. 

God surrounds me with prayer warriors who lift me up during these difficult times.  They are all true angels here on earth.  I try to express how much it means to be prayed for, but no words can explain the blessing these prayer warriors are to me.  Since they have started praying for me, I have been sleeping through the night – every night.  Find yourself some prayer warriors for the journey.

When I worry at 3:00 a.m., I am sure to start praying – for myself, for others, for my kids, for my marriage, for the school year, for our pastor, for ministries I love, for our country, for friends in need – whatever and whoever the Lord brings to mind.  This combats the TWO LIES!!!

In the morning, I sit during my quiet time and give thanks for all God is doing!  I make lists after lists from big things to little things.  Being grateful and thankful fights the TWO LIES!!!

My current situation has not really changed.  My cancer markers continue to soar and my PET scan show cancerous activity.  I will undergo surgery on September 3rd to find the cancer, but I have an inner calm and peace about it.

We all have a choice to make in this life when we face difficult times.

The TWO LIES yell for our attention, but the ONE TRUTH supplies all our needs. 

What will you serve today – the god of worry and control OR the God who takes away worry and control. 

The choice is ours to make.  Choose wisely, friends! 

Jackie's Journey: Inexplicable Agony! Part 1

Ralph raking the leaves in front of our jungle home.

The word that Americans were living on the Pucuro River among an isolated tribe located near the headwaters was big news to the people in a tiny Choco settlement about a day’s journey away by piraqua.  A young couple from this village had come to Pucuro for medicine for their little boy.  Ralph, my husband, and our partner, Jay Gunsteens, were eager to take some of our new believing Kunas on their first missionary trip to this community.

Young visiting Choco family.

I remember the day they took off in the dugout and wondered how these remote people would receive the message God was bringing to them.  It was rainy season and the mud was deep as they arrived on the riverbank.  This secluded group of Indians had a few horses and cows and the ground was thoroughly contaminated.  Ralph, who had purchased combat boots for just this sort of occasion, was in his flip-flops! 

Darkness was closing in and the boys were invited to eat and spend the night.  The next day they were given an opportunity to open the Word and share God’s plan for their lives.  Ralph and Jay were well received and some of the townspeople even returned a visit to Pucuro in the weeks that followed. 

Choco village

About two weeks after returning to our village, Ralph began to suffer with excruciating abdominal pain.  We committed him to our healing God.  The limited medical resources available to us interior had been exhausted.  Since we were soon due to renew our visas, we decided to take the three-day journey early and leave for Panama City to see if the doctors in the Canal Zone could help us.  The medical doctors realized he had picked up something unusual and, unable to find the source after a battery of tests, they sent us to Gorgas Laboratory, the Center for Disease Control for the military in Central America. 

Ralph was becoming increasingly restless and powerless to cope with the intense pain.  The Lab was our last hope.  We made an immediate appointment and to our surprise, they took us right in. 

Ralph had not slept in days.   The Lord had opened up a home on the military base for us to use the few days we planned to be in the city and we were so grateful for His provision.  

Military housing in the Canal Zone.

Ralph would walk the floor day and night.  The only thing that gave him a few moments of relief was when he would drink a Coca Cola!  I knew I had been called to this ministry, and I knew God was allowing this trial for our good and the benefit of others, yet this was touching one of God’s most faithful servants and I was stymied! 

Have you ever wondered why it is so much more difficult to watch the pain of someone else than your own?

Finally, one night, Ralph stopped pacing and laid down sometime after midnight.  I breathed a sigh of relief. 

About two hours later we were jolted by someone at the back door, literally, breaking into the house!  They had broken the window and were reaching their hands inside through the shattered glass to unlock the latch! 

Ralph was instantly on his feet yelling at the intruder!  As he left our room, he turned and said,  “Safety is in the Lord, Jackie!”  As he slammed the door shut, he told me to call the military police and stay with the girls!

Panicked and processing, I did as I was told and listened to the scuffle in the hall.  There were loud voices and then silence!  In a few minutes Ralph had subdued the man and tapped on our door to tell us we were going to be all right.  The intruder was a cocaine addict and knew someone that lived in this borrowed house.  He needed money and was desperate to get in! 

Have you ever had an intruder violently invade your place of safety?

Needless to say, we did not go back to bed, and as dawn shed light into the house, I was busily packing and “oh, so ready” to keep that Gorgas Lab appointment and head back to our home in the jungles of the Darien. 

Who would have thought that an ordinary family would sense more safety in a jungle house with no lock, a bark frame and surrounded by indigenous people, than in a thriving metropolis with all the amenities known to man?!

I learned a lesson that night: This experience drove home the truth that the promise “Safety is in the Lord” is an absolute reality given to those who walk with Him.

“The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in SAFETY by Him; the Lord will cover him all day long.”  Duet. 33:12

The world is too small a place to afford safety to a man that disobeys God.

Where do you find safety?